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Posted by Cayla Capri
The Netherlands A Dutch Date
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Arguably one of the most picture-perfecticious, sweet ‘n’ sauciest countries in the world, The Netherlands is host to an outrageous, bodacious panorama of lackadaisical boats and ol’timey moats, jingle-jangling bikes and stoic, stony dykes, not to mention all of the luscious cheeses, velvety tulips, cool classicism, and bubbly kitsch that are sure to caress your senses into overdrive. It’s enough to make any lucky-duckling couple say, ‘yes, please!’ to yet another drizzling of all things Hollandaise.
the romance
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Just-married Dutch darlings have more than their undeniably, dimple-worthy surging of charm going for them - they know their optimum photo-op locales like the back of a clarified-butter and icing-frosted pancake. Follow up a picnic-hampered and swan-perusing outing in the leafily latticed and fawningly unfurling Vondelpark, on the Magere Brug, a nine-arched exquisite edifice, constructed way-back-when in the stately 1670’s, bedazzled in over 1200 baby-fairy luminosities come starry-dappled minuit.
For some kitten-esque romp and flaunt time, peek-a-boo your way through Amsterdam’s blush-worthy Sexmuseum for the slinkiest in European erotic-artiness, early nudies, and countless other cuddle-up compositions of giggly beddableness. If you’re prone to more demurely delish public demonstrative displays of lovey-doviness, rent a tandem bicycle and passionately pedal over the Cinderella cobblestone, or board a canal cruise, meandering down and over the rippling, blueberry-smoothie that is the river Amstel.
the scenery
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At any given notice, The Netherlands can be a soft and silky place harking back to its Golden Age, thanks to floating markets, rose gardens, duck ponds and backgammon matches. Having blossomed from a by-gone era of a burgeoning shipping industry, Amsterdam is crammed with merchant lean-to’s and secretive cellars, as well as examples of contemp’ influences in the form of canal stages for outdoor jazzed-up and bluesy-downed concerts.
Beyond the liberal bonds of this ultra-urban tolerance, the country continues to divulge in free-spirited expansiveness. Lakes of satiny sheen and northern seashores of ivory grains allow for a diversity of national parks, sprawling farmland, and free-wheelin’, wind-millin’ villages.
the adventure
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Amsterdam’s infamously incredulous Red Light District is worthy of an at-night gander, but whether or not you douse yourself in smelling salts beforehand, foreseeing any future swooning spells, is up to you. Cuddle up, play it smart, and proceed to stroll on through these flashy neon theatrics for some off-the-wall antics you’ll only ever catch wind of over-the-pond.
If you’ve always been a straight-laced maid where the word ‘coffeeshop’ instinctly sends you into a java-induced deluge of stars, bucks, and frothy pick-me-ups, know that the coffeeshops of Amsterdam have much loftier intentions – we’re talking hydroponic ‘space-cakes’ and plentiful tokens of smoky affection. If you do decide to ‘when-in-Rome’ it, opt for a class establishment – some have been featured in Hollywood blockbusters while others have even been awarded recognized trophies for their higher pursuits of splendid customer service and offered product. But for the love of joe, seek out a flowery side-street ‘café’ instead.
the secrets
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The Netherlands has a superbly witty atmosphere, and the locals are more than happy to let you in on their shared sense of kooky quirks and quarks. Implementing the architecture as example, make sure to check out the world’s thinnest house (and by check out, squint your eyes), a clandestine church humbly alluded to as “Our Lord in the Attic,” the rollicking melodious Pianola Museum, the elegant Organ Park, the seaside getaway of Noorwijck, and the town of A’dam, home to a cat museum, known as the “KattenKabinet.”
A must for any super-charged stylistic apprentice, the Tassenmuseum Hendrikje, or the Museum of Bags and Purses, houses one of the world’s largest congregation of clutches. Hand it over to history with a viewing of 16th century satchels, silver-screen props carved out for actressy arms, and loads of other haute-couturing, uber-luxing accessories by Versace, Gucci, and Chanel.
the attractions
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One of the most heart-rending stories of our time, that of the young Anne Frank, is wholly celebrated with an awe-inspiring visit to Anne Frank Huis, a wonderfully tasteful ode to the incredible hardship of a generation past, and to a future legacy of global peace. The House consistently draws large crowds, so do try to schedule your tour come early morning or evening.
The Netherlands’ National Museum, or The Rijksmuseum, is a world-renowned edifice featuring over 200 glorious masterpieces enfolded within its stunning wings. Once again, avoid achy queues by purchasing tickets online or by simply showing up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. If you’re an impressionistic connoisseur, the Van Gogh Museum is number one for splashes of sunflowers and swirling countryside, as well as works by the contemporaries of this one-eared genius, such as Monet, Gauguin, and Toulouse-Lautrec.
Last stop in this creatively-fused district, the Diamond Museum – a showroom of every gal’s best friends in glassy, lusty exhibits, marking the history of this influential trade, and the richly intricate craftsmanship of some of its most stunning pieces.
before you go
What to Expect
Spring: March through May are warm and bright (9-12°C/48-54°F). Go in May to see the beautiful blooming tulip farms.
Summer: June through September are sunny, warm and humid (15-20°C/59-68°F) and it is peak tourist season.
Fall: October and November are mild, damp and windy months (9-13°C/48-56°F).
Winter: December through February are cold and wet months (1-6°C/34-43°F). This is low tourist season.
Show off your tried-and-true fashion sense from back home. Bring an umbrella.
The Lingo
Dutch, English, German
A valid passport
Local Delicacies
Bitterbal: a popular snack consisting of a ball of deep-fried ragout covered in breadcrumbs, served with mustard
Poffertjes: small, puffy pancakes served with butter and powdered sugar
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