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Tips, Tricks & Quips
Posted by Cayla Capri
Wrestling With The Details
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Sometimes, the most overwhelming aspect of planning a wedding is dealing with a groom who is totally, inexplicably underwhelmed. Of course, the last thing you need is for a ‘chicken vs. fish’ discussion to turn into a ‘you vs. him’ argument about who cares more about the wedding. That’s why it’s important to understand the psychology behind his lack of attention to detail. Men and women tackle issues and think through situations differently, and neither can be blamed for their intrinsic method of decision-making.
the female perspective - a scrutiny of the small?
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Even when men and women are working towards a common end, in this case, a beautiful wedding, their strategies are poles apart. Women often gather up all possibilities and perspectives, and explore the potential outcomes in term of their interdependence. So if you’re trying to decide between carrying roses or orchids down the aisle, you may be contemplating how they will match or clash with the décor, as well as the tone they’ll set for the day - traditional or modern. You might also look to your girlfriends and your partner for advice- not because you lack independence, but because you want to gain intimacy with loved ones by working through a problem as a team.
the man’s view - a piece of cake?
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The subtleties of a ‘roses vs. orchids’ type decision may not appear so subtle to you, but they could appear trite to your fiancé, who is used to undertaking problems in a more ‘bigger-picture,’ straightforward, and level manner. He probably doesn’t understand how a detail like flower type can be seen from any other angle than ‘which one do you want?’ On top of that, he might be used to struggling through sticky situations solo, and therefore is unable to appreciate your need for his opinion. To him, problem solving just may be his tried and true method of exerting aptitude, skills of analysis and commitment to a relationship.
the common ground
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The best way to cope with your differences is to simply accept them, and perhaps even embrace them. While it could be healthy for you to take a cue from your fiancé time to time and make decisions based on instinct, and what would, quite frankly, make you happiest, your instinct just might be to obsess, and that’s nothing to feel bad about either. Try to cut your man some slack though, and remember that the most important decision of all has already been made: because he may not care whether your bridesmaids are wearing blue or tangerine, whether you dance to Nat King Cole or Frank Sinatra, or whether your cake is carrot or praline, but he undoubtedly cares that he’s marrying you.